The Wacky World of Ebay

Ebay is a strange thing. In the right hands, it can be an effective tool for exchanging merchandise according to the basic laws of supply and demand. In the wrong hands, it can be a masterful guise for fraud and deception.

And in the hands of people with a bit of imagination and spare time, it provides some oddly intriguing offers:

• Koopa, an artist living in Connecticut who just happens to be a turtle, is selling his original artwork (see above). Koopa's paintings hang in all 50 U.S. states, as well as Canada, Bahrain, The Netherlands, The United Kingdom, Australia, and Italy, and he has been featured in Ripley’s Believe it or Not.

• An ebay member known as little_ska_band is selling memories of his childhood, which he describes as “amazing.” For a minimum bid of $350, you can have this young man’s go-cart, car bed, play kitchen, bike and other toys. However the real treasure, he says, is his ‘book of memories’ containing recollections of birthdays, friends, family and embarrassing mishaps. (In true ebay style, the seller adds this disclaimer: “Only one book will ever be made and all memories will be authentic.”)

• In a similar vein, you can buy ‘everything that Lisa Perry owns’ - from mid-century modern chairs to 8-track tapes and Talbot dresses - in one lot (buy-it-now price $2,000). The auction is, Perry says, part of an effort to “rid myself of possessions which have kept me looking backward.” There are currently 9 bids.

• If you’d rather make your own history than buy someone else’s, you may want to consider buying a Scottish ‘sporting estate’ that, for $49.95, comes with the right to call yourself ‘Laird’ or ‘Lady’. If you have gullible friends, it’s a great way to impress them. What you really get is a certificate entitling you to a 12-inch-square piece of the highlands. Archaic Scottish law being what it is, this is enough for you to be a master of a landed estate - so there you go!

• Lastly, the opportunity to exact sophomoric revenge. For $5.00 (plus shipping and handling) millard_699 will mail your foe a diaper smeared with melted chocolate to simulate human feces. Now you may be thinking you could just do it yourself but our plucky seller is already two steps ahead of you: “Sure you could do it yourself and maybe get away with it... Drive to the store, buy a whole pack of diapers, put chocolate or peanut butter in it, purchase a box, insert your own note and ship it yourself, sure you could probably do all this yourself........ BUT WHY!! Why go through all that!! We'll do it for you cheaper than you can do it yourself and we'll save you the time and the trouble!!” Hey, you can’t argue with that logic.