Father's Day

For the past week or so I have been suffering from a nasty cough. It comes from deep in my chest and when it starts it's hard to suppress. Each cough seems to take over my whole body, and each cough makes me think of my father. He had a similar chronic cough for months -- or was it longer? -- before he died.

For ages after, the sound of anyone coughing made me wince.

These days, everything makes me think of my father. Not only was it Father's Day yesterday, but today marks three years to the day that we lost him. The hurt of that loss is not as raw as it was then, but we don't miss him any less three years later.

My mind goes first to the way he was right before he died -- to his withered body and that relentless cough and to his eyes, always wet with emotion near the end. But I quickly run back to happier, healthier memories -- and we're lucky to have many of those to choose from.

I remember him walking out behind the house in Barbados in the evenings after washing the dishes. He would take the dog with him and the two of them would not go far, just across the road really. He would look out across the sugar cane fields, no doubt thinking about work. The dog, a yellow lab with curly hair along her back, would sit patiently next to him until he was ready to come back in. He deserved those solitary moments, and the after-dinner cigarette he would sneak in without us knowing.

When we were kids I don't think there were very many times when we really left him alone. We were so happy to have him home that we'd take every minute we could with him. When I was a teenager, he would dutifully wake up at 1am on Saturday nights when I would call and ask to be picked up at the nightclub.

I feel his presence with us now as we make this move to a new place that he knew we loved. He told me before he went that he would watch over us if he could. He was careful not to make a promise he wasn't sure if he could keep but I knew he would if he could. And now he is showing us that he's there, and he's watching. I miss his physical presence more than I can say, but I am so grateful for his spiritual guidance.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Remember, every day is Father's Day.